I was introduced to The Stress Model™ and Beyond Consequences in October, 2008. My five year old could have been diagnosed with severe attachment disorder and defiant. Elisha was vigilant, hyper-aroused, and uncontrollable 98% of the time.
Most of my first six months of reading, classes, and application, was work within myself. Of course my children were practicing regulatory skills, and learning that fear is the primary state in which Elisha acts out. But each and every time I applied this concept in my home it would lead back to my own processing. An enormous amount of healing happened in my heart, my mind, and my soul.
After the first six months of transforming into a new paradigm, I would look at my daughter in the midst of her “behavior,” I seen her in a complete new view. Seeing Elisha for who she really was led me to fall in love with my child all over again. Like the day she was born. With our falling in love experience, it caused both of us to crave relationship and connection. That’s when the healing began.
However, at first, I could feel that I was still a threat to my child. I know now, that had I not worked on me for the first six months, I would not have been capable of feeling the threat that she was experiencing. This wowed me. The truth and amazement in learning to love unconditionally was all the motivation I needed to press on.
Fifteen months later, I can’t express how proud I am of my Elisha. With consistent regulatory awareness, mindful of being present, and the light of a new understanding, we can now exist. Our experiences have went from several days nonstop of aggressive, defiant temper tantrums; from the stores to the school events; the endless hours of me curling into a hopeless fetal ball crying for a break; the countless days of Elisha in a highly stimulated fight mode; are now transformed into mild emotional words or a simple glare, that are calmed by a gentle touch.
This is it! Finally an answer. My children and I found LIFE in our healing. What a journey! Thank you Bryan, Heather, and of course, my fabulous dad, Ken. You have opened the door for families to move mountains.
~ Melissa
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